Developer: Mike Phillips/Shellie Jones

Publisher: Shellie Jones

Genre: Comedy, Action/Adventure, Musical

Release Date: May 13, 1993

Nerd Rating: 11 out of 10

Salut, fellow Baconeers! My name is Sarus Vakarian and I have an alien fetish I’ve been with Nerd Bacon since March of 2014. When I’m not playing and reviewing video games, I work in a little cafe called Biggby Coffee, where I frequently partake in general silliness and pun-making. Oh, and I make a latte once in awhile.

I also enjoy writing short stories because I find that the pressure to create a story and instigate emotion very tersely is an exciting and rewarding challenge. That’s also why I enjoy writing poetry. Currently, I’m attending Macomb Community College, and will hopefully be transferring to Oakland University’s Creative Writing program soon. I’ve

Someone requested a frozen green tea latte with three espresso shots, mocha, chocolate chips and whipped cream. It was deliciously disgusting.

been sending dozens of Pokeball cookies to them in the hopes that my acceptance letter will say “We choose you!”

I was born in Mt. Clemens, Michigan (though my mom told me once that she found me in a field), and with separated parents, I was often living between the Mt. Clemens area and Orlando, Florida. The last time I officially lived in Florida was when I was 16, and I’ve been living in Chesterfield, Michigan ever since. I also have a little sister, Isabelle, and brother named Darrell that live in Florida with my mom.

My love of reading and literature in general began when I was a young child/alien/robot thing. My stepmom used to read Clifford: The Big Red Dog to me every time I stayed over at my dad’s, and from that point on, all I did was read. I would even go as far as to write, illustrate, and staple together my own little books that my teachers would let me read to my classmates. When I got older, my parents started to let me play video games that were mostly Barbie games until my dad finally let me play the very first Tomb Raider. After that I started getting into cartoons and comics, letting my nerd flower bloom. Eventually, I started playing stuff like The Sims, Half-Life, then my ultra love Mass Effect, which played a huge part in my taking of the name Sarus Vakarian for this website.

If you’re looking for a dork, you needn’t look far…

Also. I. LOVE. GIRAFFES. PERIOD. They are the best animal in the universe besides unicorns. And they’re probably related to unicorns. And dinosaurs. Dinosaurs are awesome too.

My goals for the future are simple: Graduate, continue to write for Nerd Bacon and do some other freelance writing work until I can either teach or write a book. Or both. And then eventually become an Asari Matriarch with a great rack.

Special Talents Include:

• Obtaining a sunburn in approximately 20 minutes
• Sucking up my car keys in a shop vac
• Driving over mail boxes
• Being personally offended when a cat ignores me
• Crying
• Opening my eyes under water
• Turning everything my friends say into a sexual innuendo
• List-making
• Stuffing my face with macaroni shells
• Getting depressed for absolutely no reason
• Complimenting people
• Lying
• Honesty
• Being confusing
• Making a hilarious biography to distract you from how awful my personality really is
• Rubbing patchouli oil on myself
• Creeping on Markiplier’s and Brandon Calvillo’s Twitter accounts
• Bursting into song randomly and then quietly retreating into the darkness while mumbling the lyrics softly because no one started singing with me

Other than all of that, I’m quite the blank slate right now. I’m just really happy to be a part of such a great team that has always made me feel special and appreciated. Go, go Baconeers!

Social Media Goodness:

Instagram (I draw sometimes) – SarusVakarian

Twitter – sunshinescout93

Tumblr – commanderlemontits

YouTubes – Sarus Vakarian

I also have a horror movie blog called Smashing Jack O’Lanterns 🙂