Let me begin this third installment with a special thanks to my good pal Frank for his part in reviewing and verifying the accuracy of this series. When you spend about six months documenting a trip (and then over a year later actually publishing part 3 of said trip), some details can slip. Thank god for Frank and his infallible memory. With that said…

We last left off in Nagoya, where the two of us were on our way to the train station…

Chapter 8:  Osaka

We arrived at the train station in Nagoya with time to spare and bellies to fill, so we stopped into the nearby Family Mart (a chain of convenience stores in Japan) for some quick bites. My scale was giving me the green light, so I felt at liberty to let my hair down and eat to my heart’s content.  

I was tantalized by some of the food offerings. It looked way fancier than the stuff you’d find in an American convenience store (at least to my low-brow sensibilities). I grabbed a small box of fries, three meaty balls on a stick, some kind of large chicken nugget, and a puffy corndog.  Frank bought the first of what was to become his daily breakfast: packaged sushi. Not only was this what he got every single morning, but he got the same exact kind of sushi each time. Jesus Frank. I know you’re reading this right now. What the fuck?

The food was astounding. I gobbled it up quicker than a jackrabbit on a date (sorry Jean Shepherd, stealing that one from you).

After breakfast, we boarded the train and began our journey to the next city on our itinerary…

…the title of this chapter, come on, do I have to spell it out for you?

The trip was a little over an hour. Our train passed through Kyoto, giving us an exciting preview of the adorable neighborhoods and fields we would encounter in a couple days. As I peered out the window, my eyes got a taste of some of the astonishing mountains proudly extending throughout the area. All in all, the ride there was relaxing, fun, and pleasing to the eye.  

We made it to our next hostel well before our check-in time, but they were kind enough to let us drop off our things. We then rented bikes and took off.  

What was next on the agenda?

Why, you guessed it…

Video games!

As the prominent feature of our trip, we spared no opportunity to check out any shop that sold video games, including places like a Half-Priced Books-type store called “Book Off.” Throughout the day, we encountered more video games than our tiny brains could possibly process. Looking through such an overwhelming stockpile of Famicom and Super Famicom carts (not to mention the plethora of other console libraries) made my head spin. Frank, in his obstinately patient manner, appeared to comb through every single title available to him. It seemed as if every place we visited, Frank would walk out with a stack of video games, leaving less and less room in his massive backpack.

After a couple hours of rummaging through vintage gaming goodness, we walked our bikes down long stretches known as “shotengai,” which were outdoor mall-like settings that were quite common in the region. We found a place called Horai 551, a Chinese establishment where we saw some saliva-inducing buns and dumplings. Frank and I made a note to stop there the next day, though little did we know how much of a hassle it would be to find that – and all other locations – again.

I saw a street shop making some egg foo young-looking dishes called okonomiyaki. Frank told me they were an Osaka delicacy, so naturally, I had to try some. I ordered two and, as you’d expect, one was smothered in cheese sauce with a slice of American cheese stuffed inside. As for Frank, well, guess where he opted to eat. CoCo’s. Again.

They wouldn’t let me bring in outside food, so I was forced to gobble up my okonomiyaki seated on the sidewalk like a hobo. When I finished, I joined Frank and ordered some curry as an after-lunch snack. This time I had a dish that included a delicious burger patty stuffed with cheese (Jucy Lucy, anyone?). The patty was unlike anything I’ve tasted. I think the burger was made of pork. Anyway, all you need to know is it was awesome.

After our ample lunch, we spent some time exploring the city. We took it easy, parking our bikes and opting to walk about the area. Frank and I saw very interesting sights. Unique buildings, architecture, signage, and vendors. 

We passed many little stores jam-packed with capsule machines. These machines were like those $.25 toy and candy dispensers you find in supermarkets, only here they were much cooler and more expensive. Definitely worth it though.

But wait, is that…

Shin-Chan!

It was a Shin-Chan capsule machine! And boy do I love me some Shin-Chan! I quickly threw in 300 yen, crossing my fingers hoping I’d get Shin and-

Nope. Got the pig.

Rats.

I really wanted Shin. I figured, why not give it one more go?

Another 300 yen and-

I got Shin!

“Third time’s the charm” my ass!

Receiving this prize was more of a thrill than it had any right to be. But I was in Japan having the time of my life, and I won myself a stellar souvenir.  

One of these random capsule shops happened to have a Vs. Super Mario Bros. machine like it was no big deal. I thought, why not? 100 yen, I’ll play some Vs. Super Mario Bros. I got the high score, though it also appeared as if I got the only score. Guess people barely touched this machine.

The rest of the evening was spent exploring the awesome city of Osaka. It’s really a beautiful place with plenty of strange, wonderful, and interesting features. Where Nagoya felt a little more familiar, Osaka had the distinct feel of a Japanese city – not to mention some of its iconic sites.

I wish I could tell you what we ate that night, but I really don’t remember. There were many instances where Frank and I struggled to figure out what to eat. In fact, the food situation often led to a lot of wandering and overall frustration.

So after a day of raiding as many Book-Offs and video game stores as we could, followed by some good old-fashioned rambling through the streets of Osaka, we were tapped out of ideas and pretty much meandering. I saw a giant Ferris wheel, so I suggested we check it out.

While aboard the rotating vessel, I was seized by overwhelming exhaustion. It was only 9 PM, but never before had I fought harder to stay awake. I guess spending a day fueled by a paltry 2-3 hours of sleep (making for a grand total of maybe 8 resting hours over a period of 60 hours or so, give or take?) had finally caught up to me. It was so bad, Frank had to ask if I was alright. I was alright, alright, but damn did I desperately need some sleep.

We returned to our second hostel, and holy cow was I ready to pass out.

This hostel was not as cute and charming as the last one, but the beds were much more comfortable, offering a nice, thick sleeping pad to assuage my weakened frame. Granted, it was still a hot box, but a hot box that wouldn’t break my back. I passed the fuck out.

(You’ll start to notice a pattern where each hostel was considerably more comfortable than the last.)

Chapter 9:  Osaka – The Next Day

Man oh man did I sleep. I finally slept a solid 7-8 hours. It was great.

Still woke up before Frank, so I did my morning thing. Took a shower, stepped on the scale and was horrified by the results, then went to the common room to read my book. It was a peaceful way to spend the morning. Once Frank joined me downstairs, we made our plans for the day. It was getting difficult for us to figure out what we were going to do, but a bulletin board offered useful suggestions.

We gathered our things and left to get some bikes. The two we rented this time had the most comfortable seats we had experienced so far. And boy did we need that, because cycling the day before was a nightmare. Wading through dense crowds with multiple near-incidents, coming within inches of colliding with moving vehicles, navigating tight corners, narrowly avoiding other cyclists…I was loving the biking adventure but also terrified. It was at that point in our trip I legitimately feared one of us would not make it back alive.

But it was a new day, and with more comfortable bikes and some experience under our belts, Frank and I were really getting the feel for city biking. We had picked up all the tricks and mastered all the maneuvers. Carrying the confidence of pros, we hit those streets with enthusiasm and high spirits. I was so full of exuberance, I took a rare opportunity to play some feel-good music on my phone. Life was good.

We did our usual video game hunt after Frank got his usual sushi breakfast. I noticed some tiny video game console toys, which Frank suggested I could find in one of the capsule machines. So from that moment on, it was my mission to search out every capsule machine I saw in hopes of scoring one of those cute little console toys (which I never did find, by the way).

It was during this hunt we discovered a small arcade full of classic Sega candy cabinets. Frank and I spent some time burning through yen and enjoying arcade games, some of which may not have been available in the states (though that I can’t say for sure).

As lunchtime approached, we made a point to stop back at that Chinese stand, Horai 551, and try some of those tantalizing dumplings. Unfortunately, when we got there the stand appeared to be closed.

Remember, as I mentioned before this place became something of an elusive chore to find each and every time we attempted to go.

We surrendered and explored that shotengai to see what other eating establishments were available. To our surprise (and delight), we found another Horai stand. And let me tell you, we were ready to eat!

I anxiously ordered two pork buns, six pork shumai, and twelve shrimp shumai. Frank, on the other hand, was patient.

I was quite jealous of him, as he was observant enough to realize there was a dine-in area above the small bakery. He ordered a chow fun that looked out of this world. Sadly, I never had the opportunity to try the miraculous fun.

Regardless, the buns and shumai I ate were the best I had ever had. They were simply divine.

We wrapped up lunch and made our way to Osaka Castle. Like Nagoya Castle, this was a reconstruction of a decimated palace. The exterior was a replica of what it looked like before its demise. The inside, on the other hand (and unlike the one in Nagoya), was more a museum setting, hosting six floors packed with interesting video dioramas, ancient antiques, and tons of historical information. It was fascinating, and the view from the top was wonderful. But there was so much to see that we wound up burning through daylight. Anxious to leave (due to our growling stomachs), we cut it short and made our way back to the city.  

Dinner was approaching and Frank wanted more curry, or ramen, or whatever the hell was on his shortlist of culinary dishes (for fuck’s sake Frank). I refused to indulge in yet another ramen or curry when there were so many other exciting foods within arm’s reach. I waited patiently (or more than likely impatiently, as I most often do), and once we left it was my turn.

I had seen a board the previous night featuring some very alluring cheese-filled gyoza and had to give it a try. Because, you know, I love cheese.

I ordered two different types of cheese gyoza and was…thoroughly disappointed. Up until that point, everything I had eaten was top shelf. This was very uninspired.  

On our way back, my bowels became a pressure cooker of activity. We stopped at a little restaurant and I went straight for the bathroom, bypassing the friendly and eager host. As I burst through the door, I saw something that filled me with absolute horror: a squat toilet. Now call me naive, but I was not aware of such a thing until that moment. Or at least it had not been on my radar. And oddly enough, after three days in Japan, this was the first time I encountered this type of toilet.

So listen…I have issues. And I am particularly bothered by public restrooms. I’m uncomfortable enough shitting in even the most luxurious of public accommodations; if I encounter anything even slightly unfamiliar, I’m likely to react as if I saw a ghost.

Needless to say, I panicked, washed my hands, then quickly left. I didn’t have to go so badly anymore. 

Now in retrospect, I would probably give such a toilet a go, especially if I was prepared and in a more private setting. One thing’s for sure – after that night, I finally understood why so many toilets in Japan had instructions on how to use them.

So I believe that was it for day two in Osaka. At least as far as I can remember. And thus concludes Part 3 of this adventure. Stay tuned, Part 4 will be coming this summer to a theater near you!