Everyone loves a good ol’ piece of nostalgia. Maybe it’s the feeling you get when you go to grandma’s house and sit amongst the warmth of wood panel walls. Or maybe it’s seeing that big baggy jeans are back in style (and it couldn’t have come fast enough because I don’t think jeans could physically get any skinnier). But for those of you treating yourself to some quality Nerd Bacon time, you know what’s up. That piece of nostalgia you love is retro gaming. That’s what we’re talking about. You love your little retro collecting lifestyle, but it… is… destroying you!

Collecting retro games is like getting beat into a gang. Your closest confidants are murdering thrift stores with daily drive-by hunting sessions. Your fear of catching a stray “10%-off-pricecharting” sale is reasonable and legitimate. Your wallet is thinning out by the minute, yet you helplessly stare at the calendar. “Payday. It’s almost here.” By noon on Saturday, you’re already sweating in anticipation for the next payday. When is enough enough? You try to get out of the gang because you’re going broke, but it just keeps pulling you back in. The fleeting dreams of finding a rare gem in a pile of random cables at Goodwill is just too enticing to give up. No amount of “ISO posts” can satiate the hunger pangs. Listen here Ash, you want to catch ’em all, but you can’t.

I’m an avid collector of all things retro gaming. It’s a problem. I enjoy it, but I suffer from numerous debilitating diseases. Iwantitall-itis. Needmoregames-avirus. Thatstooexpensiveforme-arhea. The list goes on and on. Unfortunately, there is no known cure aside from leaving the retro collecting scene. But then you have the itch. You know what I’m talking about. You say you’re done; you’re taking a break. And then someone posts something so cool that you get sucked back in. Or your friend Raimel is like, “hey man I know you’re off the stuff right now, but check out this old Texas Instruments computer with games. *shrug emoji.” $80 later you’re driving home from Brier Creek and scouring the passenger side carpet for shake… THE ITCH IS REAL.

Getting back on the wagon is tough. Every piece in your collection has a story. For example, a random Star Fox Adventures pickup from a dude named Jeff led to me joining a local retro gaming group that provides easy access to money-draining addictions such as local events and trade shows. You want out? Saying goodbye to your games is like saying goodbye to your stories. I mean, sure, you can sell everything and move on, but then you’ll probably get addicted to crack. At least being addicted to collecting old video games is socially acceptable (unfortunately, being addicted to crack is not).

I’m here to tell you that you’re not alone. Hi, my name is Nerdberry and I’m addicted to soda and retrogame collecting. My good friend Marmar from Marmax Gaming (check out his YouTube channel, he crushes game life) is a unique blend of enabler AND collecting therapist. This dude is no stranger to amassing a quality collection of rare gaming gems, but he is smart and reserved in his process. That’s right. I said “process.” Yes, I also didn’t know there could be a process for collecting. While I own a little piece of just about every video game system made from the Atari 2600 up through the Switch, Marmar tells me I’ll never be satisfied. Why? Because I’ll never complete anything. And DAMNIT, he’s right.

So, as I dig through my collection of stuff, I’m amazed at how much, yet seemingly how little, I have. Perhaps we’d all benefit from specializing in only a few things instead of trying to catch ’em all. This is easier said than done. I stare at my collection, shoved into boxes and shoved into an attic storage area. Do I really need 2 Virtual Boys? Do I really need 4 Game Boys? Or perhaps, 2 Dreamcasts, 2 Saturns, 4 Genesis/32x/Sega CD systems, 2 Master Systems. WTF Nerdberry! Why do you have duplicates for days?

If you’re suffering like me, heed the advice of the wise Marmar. He may not have asked for this role, but some people are born into greatness. I mean, this dude routinely beats the hardest video games ever made… But I digress. This isn’t an article about that guy. It’s about you. It’s about me. It’s about our problems, and if you’re aiming to have it all… you’re gonna need a bigger boat.