Platform: Xbox & Xbox 360

Developer: Blitz Games

Publisher: King Games

Release Date (NA): Xbox & Xbox 360: November 19, 2006

Genre: Racing

Nerd Rating: 3.5 out of 10

Reviewed by NerdBerry

This little chicken nugget of a game cost me only $0.99 at GameStop (September 2013) and I can’t help but wonder why the hell it would be so cheap. There are numerous obvious depictions of Burger King’s mascot, The King, riding a pocketbike all over the front and back of this game case, as well as a little emblem at the bottom typically reserved for publishers and developers that states “King Games” and kind of has this little red crown over it that sort of reminds me of the Bud Select crown, but maybe I’m just an alcoholic.

As it turns out, Pocketbike Racers was an additional purchase item that could only be purchased at Burger King, and I might be an alcoholic. The promotions were created as a way to promote both Burger King and the Xbox / Xbox 360. Blitz productions created three games, all available for $3.99 with the purchase of a 2,000 calorie heart attack meal. Each game is compatible with the Xbox or Xbox 360, which was a pretty smart move by Blitz Games and Burger King. By making the game compatible with both systems right around the same time the 360 was in its early days, the developers could increase their sales of the game to those who hadn’t yet bought the wonderful and awesome Xbox 360.

The three games released were:

• Sneak King: The gamer controls The King and is tasked with sneakily delivering burger meals to hungry people throughout the town.
• Big Bumpin’ (This title sounds dirty to me…): This is a bumper car game where the player controls one of the Burger King characters in a theme park and tries to get high points by hitting other players. There are powerups and obstacles. This game is often thought of as the best of the three.
• Pocketbike Racer: This is the game you are reading about, silly.

In this game, players race on customizable pocketbikes (which are super duper tiny bikes to all of you who don’t know! I mean, you might see this bike and think it’s for a child) on five different race tracks, each on a unique site such as a construction site or the restaurant parking lot. This is a 4-player split-screen game or 8-player online game via Xbox live. Is it just me, or is it pretty awesome that an Xbox 360 game was created and sold at Burger King and the game features Brooke Burke on the front plus multi-player options and more?! Okay, maybe it’s just me. But let’s dig deeper (okay Shaun-T).

In tournament mode, there are different classes – all in the vein of Mario Kart – separated simply by 50cc, 100cc, and 150cc. Mario Kart fans would call this “stealing in plain sight” but I just call it a $4 game, so take it easy. Within each class there are 4 options:

• Standard Race: Standard Race is your run-of-the-mill racing mode with a multitude of options that are making me drool as I play. I’m perplexed at the depth and range of options for such a cheap game! There are about 8 racers to choose from including The King, The Subservient Chicken, a Whopper Jr., and some other Burger King employees with generic names like Winston and Cristina (although most Burger Kings I’ve ever been to have employees named Dusty, Lawanda, and Ja’markus). Once you have chosen a racer, you will have to choose a bike. At the start, there are only 2 bikes to choose from. In all there are 8 bikes to choose from (6 of them are unlockable), each with its own attributes such as handling, top speed, and acceleration. Now we can start the race. Oh wait…. The game is loading… okay and we can… wait… it’s STILL loading! It literally took about 40 seconds to load. I’ll time the next loading screen and let you know. So it’s just me vs. 7 other racers. On a track. 1^st place wins.
• Battle Royale: Battle Royale is just like the standard race except the objective is to land hits on your opponent via the powerups. So you duke it out with the 7 other racers and try to land a specified number of direct hits on them. This becomes quite tiresome and tedious, although it is not difficult at all. You have to build up your powerup system and go through a series of other powerups to even get the ones that use projectiles. The first couple of powerups are shields and some other shit. So you’ll have to go through maybe 8 different powerup generators to get to a decent weapon. And you’ll have to do this through 5 different stages. The good thing is that each stage is pretty short and you’re not required to go in any direction. Me thinks you’ll get bored fast.
• Ultimate Cone Trial: You drive around this track aimlessly attempting to pass through 20 lit-up cones before anybody else gets to 20. I stepped away from the game while it was doing its 5 minute load-time party-trick and didn’t get back in time. The game started without me. The 7 other racers ran around like loonies for about 1 whole minute before I picked up the sticks. I still won. Stupid A.I. “That’s bad I.N.T.E.L.L.I.G.E.N.C.E! That’s very bad I.N.T.E.L.L.I.G.E.N.C.E!
• Hard Core Racing: Hard Core Racing is all about old-fashioned bike racing. It’s you and the road, chief. There are no powerups and there are no cones. It’s the exact same thing as Standard Race except without the cones and powerups. So if you need more info on this, read above.

This is Pocketbike Racer. These options are the exact same across the board whether you’re playing online, multiplayer, or single player. I have to say… it’s pretty disappointing. BUT, what should I expect? Skyrim?! I have to curb my expectations slightly when I play this game because after all, they were selling this game for only $4.

The controls aren’t terrible but they’re not all that good either. The myriad of options is definitely more than I expected, but the end result is a somewhat sluggish, boring, and short game. Simple isn’t bad…. ALL the time. But in this case, I think this game is too simple. They tried really damn hard and I give them credit for that. But the tracks are so short and the powerup system is frustrating and annoying. When the giant racers turn, their bikes stay entirely vertical. No tilt. C’mon. And they sure as shit don’t turn very easily. I would have appreciated some sort of drifting ability. The graphics are something to behold from a smaller developer company and for an advergame. They’re pretty detailed and very colorful.

Sup Dawg?

Overall, there’s just not enough meat in Pocketbike Racer to warrant any real playing time. It’s a tough sell. Even for $4. It’s not a terrible game because it’s soundly built around a fairly decent engine. Even with 4 different game modes, it’s simply the same 5 tracks with different rules!  I can’t even imagine trying to get online and play a shitty game against some random loser kids who got a Whopper Jr. Kid’s Meal and cried their parents into buying this game for an additional $4. Next time be a real mom and take your damn kid to GameStop for a real game. I got this for $0.99 at GameStop though, so don’t be confused. Spend a few extra bucks you moms out there. If you aren’t sure what game to get, ask us. But please… don’t get this game. It’s not like 99 cents breaks the bank, but the time wasted on Pocketbike Racer and the loading time (which turned out to be 52.94 seconds on my stopwatch… RIDICULOUS!) could have been spent on something much more entertaining… like Portal 2.

Nerd Rating: 3.5 out of 10

Reviewed by NerdBerry