E3 2018 is just a few weeks away!

There are so many media outlets are putting out theories about what will be announced as well as what they would LIKE to see happen during the spectacular gaming bonanza that is E3 2018; however, there is an essential piece of their puzzle that the other guys are missing.

Enter the Jepheroth!

That’s right, it’s time for the Jepheroth to weigh in with his hopes, dreams, and fantasies of what I’d like to see at E3 2018.

But there’s a twist: these things are very likely NOT going to happen and I know that going in.

Wait, don’t leave!

Yeah, this may not be the post to get the hard-hitting E3 2018 corporate coverage many of you are used to, but I’m a fan of video games, so I can dream can’t I?

So in the spirit of dreaming big, here are 5 game announcements that I would LOVE to see (aka things that would make me squeal with joy a la TheWatchman/Metroid Prime 4) and know that chances are VERY HIGH that they will not happen. Just roll with me here

5. The Criterion Double Shot

I feel like Criterion has some pent up aggression they need to get out. Burnout Paradise is arguably the best arcade racer in recent gaming history but the studio has been stuck on the oft-maligned Need for Speed series. Turn this team loose (No, this doesn’t mean fire everyone.)

Take this aggression out on the open road, using whips and chains and baseball bats while riding motorcycles. Wait, EA owns the rights to a franchise known as Road Rash, which was a big deal in its heyday. Sure, copycats are out there but nothing beats the original. I played a ton of the trilogy on the Genesis as well as too much time playing Road Rash 3D on the original PlayStation.

A 2018/2019 version of Road Rash with Criterion at the helm would not only have a great sense of speed but also amazing crashes when you inevitably eat it. Throw in some DICE influence on level designs and maybe even a course editor like Trials: Evolution and you got something pretty amazing on your hands.

Or…

Hey…Burnout Paradise Remastered came out on consoles recently to celebrate the 10 year anniversary of the original game. Cool, lots of games get redos to celebrate milestones.

But what if…

This was to test the waters to see if people would be interested in a new proper Burnout game? Multiplayer racing games have come a long way in the past decade, even if Paradise still plays better than them all. The Criterion Need for Speed games had very interesting multiplayer options and if they can incorporate them into a proper new Burnout title. Sign me up!

4. A New Jet Moto

Racing games need to get a little more radical again. We have seen countless releases over the past several years of simulation racers that feel very “proper” and “sterile”. There’s nothing inherently wrong with that since there is a big community of “car-porn” enthusiasts, but we really need something along the lines of a WaveRace, Wipeout, or San Francisco Rush.

Sony’s been on a kick recently of bringing back some of its “Greatest Hits” and giving them new life, be it Spyro, Crash Bandicoot, or the upcoming remake of MediEvil. Sony already took a chance with its other major arcade-style vehicle game with the rebooted Twisted Metal on the PS3, so why not dig into the well and bring out the hovering jet-skis?

I spent SO MUCH TIME with the original Jet Moto, to the point that I had the tracks memorized and to this day remember short-cuts in the tracks. With so many hardcore simulation games out there, dare to be different. I’m probably one of the few people to have such an affinity for this series, but the time is right for this game to be introduced to a new audience.

3. WWE All Stars 2

It’s me, you knew I would put something wrestling related on here.

We have been in a funk recently when it comes to wrestling games in the past decade or so, and not the Terry, Dory or even Flash Funk. The WWE games near the end of the THQ run and the transition to what is the WWE 2K series have been mediocre at best. Sure, they look pretty and the wrapping around the actual gameplay is great and all, but actually playing the game and a myriad of other design choices leaves these games staring at the lights and leaving us gamers feeling as if we have seen ANOTHER Roman Reigns main event; unfulfilled and cranky.

We have a breath of fresh air though with the release of Fire Pro Wrestling World on PC and soon PS4. Go play that one, it’s great!

Maybe we are on an upswing for wrestling games, and what better way to give it the mega push than a sequal to the criminally underrated WWE All Stars? Over the top, larger-than-life and pure fun. The current roster is ripe with talent across the main roster and NXT plus the legends that they can fill out the roster with. Give it the creation tools of the 2K series and you could really have something here. The WWE 2K games have a fantastic amount of modes and WWE love for all fans, let’s use that on a game that’s actually good.

Problem: the original game was made under the THQ banner so anyone who worked on that as well as the assets and game structure has to be lost to time and if 2K starts from scratch there is a good chance the true feel will be lost too.

2. A New/Old Capcom Fighter

Alright, Capcom, you’re on the chopping block, and this time it’s not because of my hatred for your Fight Money system in Street Fighter V.

With the plug being pulled on Marvel vs Capcom: Infinite, there is room for another Capcom fighter. Sure, the playerbase is still high for the flagship franchise but I can’t help but feel a void in the fighting world. Tekken 7  has been out for a while, Injustice 2 is winding down to give way to the presumed Mortal Kombat 11 (which would also make me insanely happy) and BlazBlue Cross Tag Battle  and Super Smash Bros. for Switch are due out in the coming year. The time is right for Capcom to give us a little fan service.

TheWatchman and I have both said we think the answer is a new Darkstalkers game, which is the one that makes the most sense.

But what if…

Now, the answer isn’t to be super obscure, so I don’t think a new Star Gladiator makes sense, but on the flip side, neither is a Street Fighter Alpha 4 or something like that. So what would make sense AND cause me to communicate in high-pitched noises?

I will give you three titles that Capcom could do to accomplish this feat:

1.) Rival Schools. Widely regarded as one of the best fighting games of all time, Rival Schools would work wonders in today’s online fighting game community, especially if they really lean into representing schools in the same way Mortal Kombat X leaned into the Faction Wars.

2.) Pocket Fighter. It can scratch the Street Fighter itch while also inject some other Capcom fan service, and with today’s trend of fighting games being more accessible, Pocket Fighter would fit in wonderfully with gamers who just want a fun distraction. Plus, the cuteness would be so unbearably fantastic that it may make people forget the ugly Fight Money and online infrastructure of Street Fighter V (sorry, last dig I swear).

3.) Saturday Night Slam Masters. This would make me stand up and want to run through a brick wall. The cult classic wrestling/fighting game hybrid is beloved by everyone who had the pleasure to play it. Again, you can bring back the old characters and inject some more Capcom fan service to appeal to a bigger crowd. Add the ring customization options from Fire Pro Wrestling World and just make sure the servers don’t catch fire like it was Street Figh… *cough* and we will have a winner. Plus, the more Mike Haggar the better.

1. The Legend of Zelda Maker

If this happens, this will most likely be the last game I ever play due to lack of time for other things.

Super Mario Maker not only made wonderful/diabolical levels everyone could enjoy/hate, but it made the WiiU. Everything about Mario Maker worked intuitively and allowed for endless possibilities and an amazing experience.

A Zelda maker would be even better.

Of course, it would need to be in the 8-bit and 16-bit styles, but the concept of “Start on screen A, make panels of obstacles and enemies from point A to point X while collecting pieces of the TriForce before fighting the final boss” is SUPER appealing.

This would, obviously, bring about its own set of issues: What about the shop? How does one handle secrets? These questions are best left for Nintendo higher-ups, not for a guy currently typing this “King of Wishful Gaming” blog.

With how creative people were with Super Mario Maker, a Legend of Zelda Maker would be truly epic (and I hate using that word), and would be a big time system seller on a Switch console that already has a couple in its arsenal.

Problem: Mario Maker had the advantage of using the WiiU gamepad as the canvas for making the levels, as all the assets and layouts were handy as you used the stylus to create your dream/nightmare levels. The Switch is physically incapable of that style of creativity. You can use the tablet as a touchscreen, of course, but then you lose access to the TV portion of the hardware. There can be workarounds to this as you can just use controllers when docked and the tablet itself when in handheld mode, but it’s an extra hurdle.

Not a problem: Zelda Maker on the go so you can create whenever you get inspiration. Maybe I just want a Mario Maker port…

If ANY of these things come to fruition, then here’s my “I told you so”, if they don’t…well…

I told you so!

That’s it for my E3 2018 dreams, but what about yours? What keeps you up at night sweating in anticipation and hope? Let us know in the comments section below