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Pac-Man – Atari 2600
If we ever needed a lesson on how not to port an arcade game, Pac-Man for the Atari 2600 is that. This isn’t a retro-version of Pac-Man, this is crap.
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Wolverine – NES
Wolverine, another NES game from the LJN Pantheon, has it’s fair share of ups and downs. Great controls, and decent 8-bit graphics deliver some entertainment, but it’s dragged down by a merciless difficulty level and questionable design choices.
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Home Alone 2: Lost in New York – NES
Home Alone 2 takes the setting of the second film and decides to rewrite the story of a clever and industrious kid into something more fitting for an 80s action star. This isn’t a game that rests on Kevin’s trickery and smarts, no, this is game that puts Kevin in a Rambo-esque role as he tears through relentless hordes of completely mundane people and objects. Read at your own risk!
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Home Alone – NES
Back in the 1990s, it wasn’t unusual for companies to take anything vaguely marketable to kids and turn it into a video game. Cartoons, movies, toy lines, and everything in between were often crafted into video games of questionable quality. Home Alone is yet another “fine” example of how bad a video game can get.
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Bill and Ted’s Excellent Video Game Adventure – NES
What is it with great movies and bad Nintendo ports? Brought to us by LJN, no less. Like Beetlejuice, Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure is a movie that came out in 1988- scratch that, ’89. Damn, I was on to something here. Anyway, the first Bill and Ted movie was awesome. Highly quotable, fun story, and with enough self-aware cheese to keep you entertained all the way through. Then in 1991, just as we were insulted by LJN with their port of Beetlejuice, we got another winner with Bill and Ted’s Excellent Video Game Adventure. But here’s the question: Could it get any worse than the Beetlejuice game? Well, why don’t we come along with ZB and take a close look at Bill and Ted’s Excellent Video Game Adventure for the Nintendo Entertainment System and see if we can come to a conclusion on the matter at hand?
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Beetlejuice – NES
In 1988 audiences were introduced to the afterlife’s leading Bio Exorcist. Beetlejuice was a sleeper hit that garnered enough recognition to earn it a spot in cinema history as a classic. Soon after its release we were graced with toys, a cartoon series, and of course in 1991 a video game. And…what’s this? LJN? By now in internet history I’m sure you know about their reputation. So with a closed mind let’s take a ride with ZB through this very negatively-slanted evaluation of Beetlejuice for the NES!
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Operation Secret Storm – NES
Sometimes we run across a game that we can’t believe was actually produced. Operation Secret Storm was one such game. Uncover the secrets behind this classically bad NES action game.
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Marvel Ultimate Alliance 2 – PS2
Sometimes, you can pinpoint the moment when you realized that your favorite console was going to be phased out. For me, it was the terrible port of Marvel Ultimate Alliance 2. With gamebreaking bugs shipped in the box and corners cut wherever the developers could get away with it, it was the moment when I realized the PS2 was no longer worth every company’s best efforts to program for. Witness this harrowing recollection of loss and heartbreak in the spirit of April’s Foolish Games!
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Borderlands: The Handsome Collection – Xbox One
With a completely absurd amount of content, Borderlands: The Handsome Collection includes the definitive versions of Borderlands 2 and Borderlands: The Pre-Sequel, but players who already have the games might not find it worth the price tag for games they already own.
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Shaq Fu – SNES
Have you ever wanted to take your favorite NBA player and beat up monsters? Now you can! Travel with Shaq to the mysterious Second World and rescue the young boy Nezu from the evil mummy Sett-Ra. Why? No Reason? Enjoy the fluid sprites what you try to jump kick your enemies to victory.
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Kid Icarus – NES
Often overlooked but remembered as a cult classic by some, the original Kid Icarus deserves a spot amid the best NES games of all time. Challenging? Yes. But it’s also a lot of fun and creates one of the most imaginative and creative atmospheres in the 8-bit world.
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Sprung – Nintendo DS
Want some love in your life? How about a collection of useless items? And maybe even a choice or two that doesn’t matter in the game? Sounds like you’re ready to suffer through Sprung for the Nintendo DS.
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Five Nights at Freddy’s 3 – PC
Come on up to Fazbear’s Fright! The brand new horror attraction based upon the unsolved mysteries of the illusive restaurant chain, Freddy Fazbear’s Pizza! NB writer Sarus Vakarian holds onto her sanity for dear life as the merciless animatronics once again, act out their revenge! But only between 12 AM to 6 AM, because any other time is inconvenient. Freddy has classes at the local community college, y’know?
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Plumbers Don’t Wear Ties – 3DO
Plumbers Don’t Wear Ties is an excellent example of why FMV games never took off…and why the systems that touted FMV games failed as well. Is it a game? No, Plumbers Don’t Wear Ties is an experience!
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Breakout 2000 – Atari Jaguar
In this crazy world, it is even possible to get nostalgic about nostalgia. But is looking back on a 1996 relic which itself looks back upon a 1976 relic really going to cut your bacon? It depends on what kind of gamer you are.
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