Platform: PlayStation

Developer: Iguana Entertainment and Appaloosa Interactive

Publisher: Acclaim Entertainment

Genre: First-Person Shooter

Nerd Rating: 4 out of 10

Many fans of South Park believe The Stick of Truth to be the first official South Park game because of the franchise’s checkered past when it came to video games. I used to play some of the games on Comedy Central’s website when I was a kid, like Hippie Drill (where were my parents?!) and enjoyed them very much, so the statement seemed pretty harsh to me. However, after playing South Park for the original PlayStation, I realized that that statement may have been closer to the bone than I thought. When I first received the game, I was very excited to take a trip back to the baby years of South Park. Upon opening the packaging, the physical evidence of love (minds out of the gutters please) was all over the game manual. Cheat codes and notes galore. The hype was real.

The story is nothing you wouldn’t expect from a typical South Park episode in the late 90s: A comet is approaching Earth, and coincidentally targeting South Park, Colorado. As it becomes closer, the town becomes riddled with evil turkeys, aliens, disgusting clones, and other oddball entities. With encouragement from Chef (God, I miss him), the boys team up to save the day. You can choose to play as either Stan, Kyle, Cartman, or Kenny; and arm yourself with weapons from a sponge dart gun, dodgeballs, and even a few pee-filled snowballs. I highly recommend playing as Kenny so you don’t have to hear a singular catchphrase over and over again. Hearing Kyle screech “take that, knucklehead!” was the closest to a lobotomy I’ll ever be.

Just one of the several turkeys that plague the first couple of levels.

Which leads me to my first major problem with South Park; the sound design in this game is from audio Hell. The playable characters say the same the catchphrases constantly during combat, the music is the same damn song during all levels and boss battles, and the turkeys… oh my God, the turkeys. I have never wanted Thanksgiving to come so desperately. One gobble gobble is fine. Two gobble gobbles is alright. Three gobble gobbles is maybe the most you’ll ever need. South Park drowned me in an echoing vortex of ear-piercing gobbles that drove me down to my knees, crying for whatever form of a God that may be up there. I ended up just muting the game altogether.

After doing some research, there seems to be a huge discrepancy between the PlayStation version and the Nintendo 64 version, especially when it comes to graphics. Overall, the graphics seemed like they were acceptable, but when I saw the N64 footage, you can imagine that I felt pretty gipped.

The nightmare never ends…

Yes, the music is annoying, the sound design is awful, and the graphics are poor. So what’s redeemable about this misadventure in the quiet mountain town? Well, to be honest, it’s quite the nostalgia trip. South Park was released after the show had been on for only about a year or so. It’s a time capsule engendering everything you loved about old South Park, and a precursor to how much the show (and games) have grown over the past 22 years. And the idea of a first-person South Park game is not a bad idea at all. In fact, I would be all for a re-make for the Oculus Rift (sans annoying sound effects). South Park could even take it a step further and use that mysterious comet to create a rip in time, causing the old Stan, Kyle, Kenny, and Cartman to cross paths with the new Stan, Kyle, Kenny, and Cartman, just to make the story all the more chaotic and hilarious (you can have that idea from me, South Park, free of charge).

So, no, I don’t think that this game is complete trash… it’s a decent effort. If I happen to stumble upon the N64 version, I’ll get back to you guys.

Stanley… what have they done to you?

                                   “Kill me.”