food

Ranch Tuna Salad

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Ranch tuna? Cheese tuna? Trust me.

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I literally just finished writing up my recipe for macaroni and cheese, and it immediately brought this tuna salad recipe to mind. Now before you go any further, you’re going to read over this and think “what the hell!” but trust me – the ingredients come together in a very interesting way. If you like tuna salad of any ilk, this is worth your time, at least once. Believe me, it’s great.

• 12oz can of tuna, solid white
• 16oz cottage cheese, small curd
• 8oz cream cheese (1 brick)
• 1 packet Hidden Valley Ranch seasoning mix

Yeah yeah, it sounds funky, but stick with me.

Step 1: Prep

Leave the cream cheese out on the counter for a couple of hours before you plan to make the dish.  Don’t unwrap it, just set the box out on the counter and let it come to room temperature.  You can do this with the cottage cheese as well; it makes it much easier to mix everything up.

Drain the tuna.  Let me reiterate that you want the tuna labeled solid white.  None of that “chunk” shit, solid white only.  Drain it really, really well.  You want as little of that fishy water in the final dish as possible, so press as much of that stuff out as you can.

Step 2: The Tuna

Dump the tuna into a medium sized bowl and break it up well with a fork.  It doesn’t have to be super small, just break the chunks down a little by pressing lightly with a fork.

Step 3: The Cream Cheese

Open up the room temperature cream cheese, and throw the entire brick in with the tuna.  Again, mix it well with a fork.  It’s a little tough, but the more well incorporated the tuna and cream cheese are during this step, the easier it’ll be to mix as we move on and the less likely you’ll be to get large clumps of cream cheese in the final product.

Step 4: The Rest

I’ve never been able to find a 16oz container of cottage cheese at the store, so I opt for a 24oz container and simply eyeball 2/3’s of it.  It’s not necessary to be too exactly, just keep scooping it out until you think about 1/3 is left in the tub.

Put roughly half the cottage cheese in the tuna/cream cheese mixture along with about half of the ranch packet.  Mix it up a little; again, a fork works best because it helps mash the ingredients together.  After a rough mix, add the remaining cottage cheese and remaining ranch seasoning.  Now it’s time to get these guys incorporated well.  Depending on how much mixing and stirring you do, it may take some effort to mix everything up.  It’s thick stuff, but keep on mashing around with a fork until it’s good and mixed

Step 5: Chill and Serve

It’s perfectly good to eat at this point, though it’s best to let the flavors meld for a couple of hours in the fridge before serving.

Now go nuts!  I like to eat it as it is most of the time, but it’s also good with bread.  Toast, sandwiches, toasted English muffins, Triscuits…there’s a ton of great uses.  It isn’t overtly ranch, it isn’t way cheesy, and it isn’t all that fishy either.  The ingredients do a surprising job of tempering each other.

Give it a shot and let me know what you think!

Written by The Cubist