Platform: Sony PlayStation Portable

Developer: 7 Studios

Publisher: Crave Entertainment

Release Date (NA): October 26, 2007

Genre: Action

Nerd Rating: 4 out of 10

Reviewed by Nerdberry

Think back… Way back. 1993 or 1994. You were watching Jurassic Park and then a thought-bubble materialized above your head. What was inside that bubble? Why, it was you playing a Jurassic Park video game of course! Now think back to 2004. You’re sitting on the couch watching Uncle Rico film himself throwing a football in an open field by his van. Then, a thought-bubble popped up above your head. What was inside that bubble? I can’t tell you what you were thinking then, but I can almost guarantee you never dreamed of playing a game based off of Napoleon Dynamite. But lucky you! 7 Studios and Crave Entertainment don’t give a fuck what you think! This game is getting made… GOSH!

As life would have it, I accidentally came into possession of this turdbucket of a game called Napoleon Dynamite: The Game. Why accidental? Because the damn store slapped a label over the part that reads “The Game,” making me think I was getting the movie for 99 cents. Those fucking assholes. They probably thought it was hilarious. “Hey, let’s put the sticker right here and trick this idiot into finally getting this game out of our inventory.”

Okay okay, I need to relax a little. Deep breath. Okay. It’s just a dollar, and not worth the anger, right? ….. Grrrr…

To be honest and fair, right up front, I love the movie. It was one of my favorite stoner movies from the mid to late 2000s. Hell, even when I’m not stoned it makes me laugh because it’s just so damn ridiculous! So I actually kept an open mind coming into Napoleon Dynamite: The Game. To be quite frank, it’s really not a good game at all, nor does its existence make any sense. I mean, c’mon. The damn game was released 3.5 years after the movie! Sure, the movie garnered some serious praise and will live on in pure cult status, but geez. The buzz surrounding the movie in 2007 was clearly inaudible, so what’s the purpose? We may never know. But anyway, let’s get into the game.

The game kicks off with a 20th Century Fox opening, the same ones you see in the movies. The feeling is quite pleasant and makes me think I’m going to be opening a bag of popcorn to snack on for this most-excellent moving picture cinema flick. The animation of the game is extremely elementary yet accurately appropriate as it perfectly matches the introduction of the Napoleon Dynamite movie. It’s pretty cool and all, and it definitely sets the tone of the game in a splendid way.

For the unknowing victim of Napoleon Dynamite: The Game, you will soon find out that this game is a series of mini-games that range from tastefully disgraceful to moderately enjoyable. 30 mini-games to be exact. While the storyline of the game isn’t actually presented to you, you will quickly pick up on subtle notes that you’re reliving the movie in the form of mini-games. That’s it. One of the first mini-games you play is called “Dance Practice,” and it is a clone of PaRappa the Rapper and Guitar Hero. Your success makes Napoleon dance to some of the most annoying music you’ve ever heard! Honestly, it didn’t start off all that annoying, but it feels like it just goes on and on and on…..

From there it’s just mini-game after mini-game with cutscenes of Napoleon going about his life via conversational dialogue text at the bottom of the screen. That’s it. Boom. Napoleon Dynamite: The Game. Sounds pretty amazing right…..? Yea, no. While some of the mini-games are exceedingly disappointing, a few of them are halfway decent and give you a short glimpse at what fun can be like. But that light fades fast as Napoleon Dynamite: The Game quickly becomes a barely tolerable game the more you play it. The fun-factor is a mere illusion. Those short bursts of fun you had through your run of all 30 mini-games gave you just enough hope to go on. It appears we were all tricked.

Napoleon Dynamite: The Game has very little to offer. The replay value is severely diminished due to the overall poor quality of the mini-games as a whole AND the range in length of each mini-game. Some go quick (if you’re experienced), and some can drag on and feel as if they’ll never end. And it just so happens that none of the fun games are the long ones. The worst and most boring mini-games are the ones that run on.

Napoleon Dynamite: The Game is a poor game and a great example of how awful most movie-to-game adaptations really are. The concepts are weak and the execution is even weaker. I just can’t understand the whole purpose behind the game’s purpose or release. To note some positives about the game, the graphics are good and the animation is quite charming. The music is average across the board, but the mini-games are the meat of this game… And not a good meat. The old brown meat you see at a shitty grocery store that was once 10 bucks but now has a huge yellow “$1.50” label across the old barcode. There’s no real linear direction throughout, and the mini-games are hit or miss, yet… well… you know what I’m going to say. You miss more often than you hit. I was pleasantly surprised on occasion, but it wasn’t enough to save Napoleon Dynamite: The Game from complete and utter nerdestruction from The Nerdberry.

Nerd Rating: 4 out of 10

Reviewed by Nerdberry