Platform: Xbox 360

Developer: Crytek (originally)

Publisher: Ubisoft

Release Date: February 11, 2014

Genre: First Person Shootaananan

Rating: 6 out of 10

Reviewed by Nike Halifax

“Sometimes I think I’m too hard on Far Cry 3.”

Far Cry Classic is a lot more fun than Far Cry 3, and that’s interesting, because Far Cry 3 has more to do. In fact, it has so much that it feels like a chore. That shit’s too big, with all the hunting and radio towers. Doesn’t even get any good until near the end, and by then the story has gone from dumb to stupid. Vaas was the only good thing about it and you barely get to see him.

You are just the realest bro, man.

And why offer all those weapons anyway? What was the point? It wasn’t like Goldeneye, where all the weapons were cool in their own way (even the Klobb, because it was so bad). It was just, like, stat screens, man. God, the more I think about it, the more I dislike Far Cry 3. It was like a less-fun Just Cause 2.

THIS IS SO AWESOME.

Okay, okay, I’m exaggerating. Far Cry 3 is a good game. It’s a really, really good game, and I enjoyed it a lot. Objectively speaking, it’s the better game between the two, but there were some things about it that really irritated me, and Far Cry Classic doesn’t have them. In some ways, it’s better than 3. Maybe I’m insane.

“Insanity is using the same picture, over and over again.”

Far Cry Classic is an ironic breath of fresh air because it has been such a long time since I played a shooter where you move like you’re gliding across a room full of butter and all the footsteps are really loud and crisp. And like, everything’s quiet except for the repetitive ambient sounds and slightly compressed voice samples. You know what I mean. Quake 2 has that shit. Man. Footsteps. Far Cry came at the tail-end of that era where FPS games felt clean and smooth and fluid. It just feels really nice to play. Like, FC3 tried to do way too much, and it had those laggy-ass menus Ubisoft’s been shoving down our throats since Assassin’s Creed. God, I hate that map. And those loading times, oh my god.

Far Cry Classic doesn’t have any of that bullshit. It doesn’t have a pretentious plot either, because it’s too busy being ridiculous. You get a cutscene at the opening: Some jerks blow your boat up, some woman you’re escorting goes missing, and you have great taste in Hawaiian shirts. Boom. Done. Start. From there, you get a radio thing and the bro on the other end is like, “I’m gonna help you get your shit, find that lady, and get the hell out of here.” Then the plot gets funky with some Doctor Moreau-type shit, but that’s okay because it’s all silly. The voice acting is cheesy, the protagonist is named Jack (Fucking) Carver, and he’s so snarky, gritty, and exasperated that he probably plays poker with Ash Williams and Jack Bauer on the weekends.

“Royal flush, bitches.”

The gameplay is nice, but not perfect. Despite my distaste for all the bloat and clunk of Far Cry 3, its foundations are much more refined than Far Cry (Classic). The main draw with all Far Cry games is the player’s relative freedom to explore and utilize the environment to their advantage. Stealth isn’t required but it’s encouraged, and it adds an element of suspense because the enemy AI in these games is (usually) pretty smart. In Far Cry Classic, it’s almost too smart. Or maybe I’m just stupid.

Guns and water

Maybe I’m the outlier here, but I found it difficult to sneak. It’s hard to tell where everyone is, and once they see you, you’re pretty fucked. Far Cry 3 made it easier to escape into the jungle and pick people off from afar or wait until they stop searching for you. Far Cry Classic ain’t having that shit. When you’re spotted, you can hide, but the radar will just spastically flash between the alert and caution stages. You can have a mountain and a cove between you and the enemy and those fuckers will still be taking potshots at you from the docks. Throwing rocks to distract baddies doesn’t work very well and doesn’t always distract them from their routines. There were actually a few occasions where an enemy made a beeline toward the source of the rock (me) instead of where the rock landed. Finally, since you recover health by finding first aid kits (hey, that’s new!), and the environment has less tiger-launching opportunities than later games in the series, enemies can be a real nuisance. I guess they’re supposed to be, though…so maybe I should just play at a lower difficulty. Also, vehicles are a pain in the ass. I wasn’t a fan of them in 3 either. Call me insane crazy, but the controls and the perspectives are not conducive to driving around on perilous jungle terrain. Boats and gliders aren’t as bad–just stay away from cars unless it’s necessary.

Wuns and Gater (This is from the original Far Cry, by the way).

There aren’t a whole bunch of weapons in Far Cry Classic, but I prefer that to the FC3 “pick yer crap” approach. There’s no stats screen or whatever telling you what’s good and what sucks, so you have to find out for yourself. It’s limited, but it’s focused. Yeah, you don’t get to sic tigers on people and set shit on fire, but you’re also not stomping around picking up herbs or trying to find and slaughter a colony of Komodo dragons so you can make a better lanyard or some shit. For every awesome base-takeover you had, there was another thirty minutes of running around and scooping shit off the ground. And don’t even get me started on that fucking story.

Sorry, tangent.

You know what? Far Cry Classic is pretty. The game is definitely showing its age, but it still looks nice. A little bland by today’s standards, but also uncluttered. At least, that’s what I thought at first. Then I noticed the game had some serious draw distance issues, and it was bothering me that this looked like a pale imitation of the screenshots I’ve seen for the past ten years. So I looked it up. Sure enough, Far Cry Classic is graphically inferior to the original. Considering this is a port of a ten-year-old game, that’s pretty depressing. I realize we’re dealing with old hardware, but Far Cry Instincts looks more vibrant–and that came out nine years ago. Still, the game looks nice. It’s a lush tropical island surrounded by a beautiful, crystal-clear ocean. It’s hard to fuck that up.

Though not impossible.

So anyway, it’s alright. I don’t really see the big deal beyond the milestone of a non-linear FPS, but yes, it’s good for what it is. Further, it’s cool to go back and play now because the game’s a mix of old and new shooter conventions. I wanted to compare it to a coelacanth, because, like, you don’t see this type of shooter much anymore, but it’s still around, and it’s sort of a transitional species, and…the simile’s a bit of a stretch. But I wanted you to know.

It’s important to me.

Far Cry Classic isn’t a perfect port. I haven’t played the original, but I can see the graphical difference (I don’t even think the original Far Cry was HD…) between the two. Still, for us console-bound plebeians, it’s a chance to play the original version of the game. Eh, I dunno. Better than the movie, right?

/sin.