Duke Nukem Forever – Xbox 360

Developer: Gearbox Software / 3D Realms

Publisher: 2K Games

Release Date (NA): June 14, 2011

Nerd Rating: 6.5 out of 10

Reviewed by Nerdberry

Wait… You’re telling me they brought the Duke back? Apparently being a badass is a trait that can’t be contained as Duke Nukem returns to the screen after a 14+ year hiatus. I know what you’re thinking… “What about Zero Hour? What about Manhattan Project?” True. Those games were in fact released. But c’mon… Duke Nukem 3D is the pinnacle in the franchise’s history, and if you can’t get down on that knowledge, then fuck you. If frosty blonde flat-top hair, sporty shades, tank tops, and fingertip-less gloves don’t get your dick hard, then you, my friend, have come to the wrong review. Maybe check out our review on Animal Crossing because big tits and huge guns don’t apply to your senses. But if you’re sitting there completely torqued, then you can grasp the reality at hand. Sir Duke Fucking Nukem is BACK!

Most of you out there might recall visiting your local video store in 1997 and seeing the cover of Duke Nukem 3D nestled somewhere between Diddy Kong Racing and Extreme G. You thought you’d nonchalantly slip it into your mom’s hands between her VHS cassettes of Jerry Maguire and The Preacher’s Wife. She then saw the mature rating and told you to pick something more appropriate. You may have won the battle, mom, but I’ll win the war… at the neighbor’s house… on their PlayStation… in the basement… while everyone’s asleep. Moms and dads tried so hard, but we always found a way. As a child, Duke Nukem 3D was one of those games you HAD to play just so you could brag to your friends! Just like when Killer Instinct first came out. While Duke Nukem 3D was just the 3rd game in the franchise, it marked a major turning point in both direction and sales. So where does that leave Duke Nukem Forever?

Yes… these twins just got done slobbin’ on your knob.

Duke Nukem Forever sees Duke returning to action in similar fashion to Duke Nukem 3D. We have the first-person perspective, which has maintained most of its popularity since the days of Wolfenstein 3D and Doom. The story picks up 12 years after the end of Duke Nukem 3D when he saved the world from a deadly alien invasion. Honestly, the story hardly matters. Sure, it drives some games, like Gears of War, but it means jack shit in a Duke Nukem game. The back of the game case says it all: Cocked, loaded, and ready for action. Duke Nukem is pure, unadulterated FUN. Bastard alien hordes are stealing Earth’s women. But nothing stands between Duke and his babes. Epic ass-kicking, massive weapons, giant explosions – yes. Inappropriate, insensitive, and offensive – you bet. Get ready for the most bitchin’ and bodacious time you’re likely to ever have. Wow… What more do I need to say? Review completed.

Drinking beer makes you a real man… like Duke.

Duke Nukem Forever kicks off with an insanely entertaining introduction in gnarly artistic fashion while gracing your ears to the soft elevator melodies of heavy metal guitar and pounding drums. You immediately know you’re in for a treat. The actual game starts with Duke staring into a urinal while you are prompted to press RT to piss. So I do. I piss and then I leave. As I pull my head up from the sloppy wet toilet, I notice the beautifully detailed and polished graphics surrounding me. I exit the bathroom and find myself in a football locker room with 3 soldiers surrounding a dry-erase board where they just drew out their plans for “Operation: Cock Block.” They are so excited, they bring it into a huddle and yell “BREAK” before they split off and run out onto the football field to fight a giant alien. I grab a marker, draw a huge cock on the board, and one soldier says “I don’t know what that means, but if we thought of that before, that guy over there would probably still have his arm… and at least one of his balls.” I could go on forever about every little detail, but it’s obvious that we’ll be laughing our asses off for hours and hours playing this game.

President of the what? Fuck that. Duke Nukem gets his own bills.

Duke Nukem Forever paces fairly well but can sometimes move a little slower than one would like from an action franchise like this. I often found myself stuck in some place not knowing where to go or what to do. This really put a damper on the overall pace and excitement. Furthermore, you are often forced to complete tasks in order to progress, which even further slows down the pace. The game is very linear, which some might view as a negative aspect, but I feel quite the opposite. I’ve never claimed to be very good at playing video games (no matter how much I enjoy them), and my favorite kind of game is anything casual. My ADHD is pretty bad, so I enjoy picking up something I can just tear through from time to time. Duke Nukem Forever has a very linear progression, which bodes well for casual gamers, and the action paired with the sheer fun bodes well for hardcore gamers who want a quick fix!

Critics tore this game apart claiming it was a terrible way to re-introduce Duke to the gaming world. I, on the other hand, disagree. Why? Because Duke Nukem Forever does exactly what the developers wanted it to do. They weren’t trying to create a Gears of War or Call of Duty game, but instead wanted a unique blend of action, humor, and raw power. All of that is delivered in spades, but it’s the little details that make this game so unique. There are so many interactive moments in the game, such as going into a room and flipping a light switch on or off, pressing a button on a vending machine, driving a remote control car, throwing a 100 lb dumbbell at someone, and so forth. Little things like this might not make the game better, but it helps immerse the gamer into the game. After all, isn’t that the ultimate goal of movies and video games? To immerse the audience?

As the game goes on, the levels get tougher and tougher, due in no small part to the sometimes finicky controls and camera work. It can be tough to see what’s going on at times in this first-person perspective, but you eventually learn to just deal with it… Sort of. It’s frustrating as hell in tight areas, and can sometimes drive you to madness when you’re lost or confused. There’s no real easy way to avoid the questionable camera work, as you only have one angle to work with. It feels as though it’s a little too zoomed in. Perhaps something with a slight fish-eye view could have worked better.

Overall, Duke Nukem Forever is a tough reminder that trying to replicate prior success doesn’t always turn out for the better. While this game is miles ahead of Duke Nukem 3D, it doesn’t have quite the same effect of Duke Nukem 3D. I think people tend to forget the achievements of Duke Nukem 3D… For its time! Upon release in 1996, it boasted some of the most advanced graphics and precision controls of any game ever released on a computer or home console. Duke Nukem Forever doesn’t achieve much of anything, honestly. But, that doesn’t make it a terrible game by any means.

Duke Nukem Forever is perfect at what it does, and it excels at being a game to not be taken too seriously. Coarse humor seeps from every crevice, but raw action and violence are the true headliners of this shindig. Everything about Duke Nukem Forever is over-the-top and that is why it is so enjoyable. There are times when we want to sit on the couch and watch a good western, or maybe watch a suspense horror flick. But then there are those times when you want to get blasted drunk with your buddies and watch a ridiculous explosive action flick loaded with cheesy tongue-in-cheek humor and bad acting (think Expendables). If that’s what you’re into, then you’re going to enjoy Duke Nukem Forever.

Aside from the funny voice acting, cheesy dialogue, and over-the-top action sequences, Duke Nukem Forever falls very short of being a great game. Granted, the expectations were extremely high, and that likely contributed to the bulk of its undeservedly poor critiquing. But what it does fail at with its minor issues, it abundantly makes up for with its overall presentation and comedic output. If they were to make another game, some areas to improve upon: The controls are a tad bit clunky and the first person perspective could use some revision (tight quarters were tough to navigate), if you ask me. Furthermore, the game starts to grow a little monotonous and tiresome with the tasks and as the difficulty starts to ramp up. This game can be found at almost any store that sells Xbox 360 games, and typically in the bargain bin. I found my copy for around $3.50 at a GameStop in 2013. Duke Nukem Forever is worth a playthrough, and even if you only play half, you’ll still get plenty of laughs and memories. The replay value is low, but you don’t usually care about replay value when you buy a game for three bucks, do you?

Nerd Rating: 6.5 out of 10

Reviewed by Nerdberry