*NOTE: This article DOES NOT contain any Star Wars spoilers! Safe to read!

By Nerdberry

Owner, Editor

3:55am

The now soft, yet colorful bulbs, gingerly hang across the strong arms of a Spruce Fir tree as the seemingly broken clock-hands refuse to cross the threshold into the fifth hour. A newborn baby lay not-so-quietly against my thigh as Tom Cruise begins to take flight strapped to the side of a cargo plane. Action-espionage flicks tend to lose their luster when the sound finds a new home at the bottom end of the volume spectrum. Christmas morning creeps through the household, but it too seems trapped by the clock’s ruthless grasp.

Damn. Still 3:55am.

Feeding time is drawing near. My daughter, now six days old, lost over 10% of her weight soon after birth, so grub time is a national event in the Nerdberry household. I’ve given less than 12 hours of sleep to my body over the last eight days, most of which was utilized in 1 and 2 hour sessions. All I want for Christmas is a good night’s sleep. While the rest of America is having visions of sugarplums dancing in their heads, I’m pretty sure I’m hallucinating because these sugarplums are furiously ascending the walls towards the textured alabaster popcorn ceiling. Am I awake? Am I really writing this article? Is it really going to be an 80 degree Christmas day? Am I ruining your Christmas spirit? Before your blood boils hotter than that mulled cider you’re making, please know that I’m not here to bring you down. Despite the apparently rough weekend my wife and I endured, I’m actually one happy camper. Why? Well, I’ll tell you why.

3:56am!

Since my wife and I were stuck in a hospital from December 17th to December 22nd, I was not able to participate in the Star Wars mania. Star Wars: The Force Awakens, aka the movie that obliterated weekend sales figures globally and will likely go down as the top grossing movie of all time, has been on my radar since I first learned of it a couple of years ago. Not being able to experience the cinema phenomenon has left me in a state of fear. I am absolutely terrified that somebody, some b-hole of a person, is going to spoil the movie and leave me weeping in the bathtub with my dad-bod arms wrapped around my aging knees. C’mon Tom. Don’t slip off that plane…

3:57am…

In an overly extraordinary effort to avoid Star Wars spoilers, I have abstained from Facebook feed-scrolling, made easier by eradicating the app from my cell phone. Other measures have been taken, such as complete avoidance of all news outlets and websites other than the always clever and enjoyable nerdbacon.com. Pair all of this with a needy newborn baby, two jobs, Christmas festivities, and my wife’s family in town, and I am currently cured of my internet addiction. It may sound overwhelming and terrible for some, but the culmination of these events have lead to a surprisingly wonderful Christmas Eve. Someone call up Christopher McDonald because it’s going to take the perfect storm to sink this ship. I never realized how addicted to the internet I was until right now.

3:58am…

As I approach the fifth hour, my little baby girl is getting a bit more antsy. It’s as if she knows what’s on the horizon, even if it is only a diaper change and a vibrating bouncer. Many questions remain unanswered… Will I ever see Star Wars? How long can I hold out before eventually caving in to the internet’s evil ways? And how in the hell is Tom Cruise going to get onto that plane?!

3:59am…

You might be confused about the significance of 4:00 am and why it matters tonight… Because on this night, Christmas Eve, the next hour represents the unknown. My first Christmas holiday for my wife and I in our new home with our newborn baby. A beautiful Christmas tree. Lovely family. A plump turkey weighing heavily on an appropriately green table cloth decorated with red plaid cloth napkins. Whether you have or have not seen the new Star Wars, don’t forget to enjoy these moments with your family and friends. Memories are all you have, and while they may mean little to you, think about the memories you can give to others. While I have yet to see Star Wars: The Force Awakens, I have to thank the fans for scaring me off the internet. While this likely won’t last long, the hiatus is a pleasant surprise. Thank you Chewbacca! But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight, Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

4:00am.