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Photo on 6-24-15 at 7.26 PM #2

Platform: Florida

Developer: Robert ZB

Publisher: Mary “Billie” ZB

Release Date (NA): November 25th, 1988

Genre: Human

Nerd Rating: 6 out of 10

Reviewed By ZB

Okay, so another review- wait a second! That’s me! Great, I gotta review me now? This is gonna be a doozie.

Well, Sam is a writer of sorts, an occasional cartoonist/animator, but most importantly, a consumer of fine fast food delicacies. When he’s not writing one thing or another, he’s typically eating.

Sam is pretty good. Not the worst, not the best. But let’s break it down.

For a human released in 1988, the graphics are acceptable. The controls are a little awkward, but once you get used to him he can be pretty entertaining. After a while he becomes a little repetitive (I mean, how many times does one have to hear “Nerd Bacon Pizza” before it gets old?).

Now the arsenal is where things get a little interesting. Sam‘s main weapons include the NES Zapper and the Sega Master System Phaser. But there’s so much more to equip.

Photo on 5-7-15 at 11.25 PMPhoto on 5-31-15 at 10.38 PM #3In addition to these primary weapons, Sam has an Odyssey 2, Commodore VIC-20 (not working), Commodore-64 (not working), Atari 2600 (with box), Atari 5200 (not working), Atari 7800, Atari Jaguar, Colecovision,Photo on 4-17-15 at 11.05 AM Nintendo Entertainment System top loader, Nintendo Entertainment System Action Set (boxed), Super Nintendo, Super Famicom, N64 (boxed with Atomic Purple controller), Gamecube (boxed indigo), Wii (boxed), Sega Master System, Sega Genesis model 1 (boxed), Sega Genesis model 2, Sega CD model 2Sega Saturn, Sega Dreamcast (boxed), 3DO, PlayStation 1 (boxed) and PlayStation 2.

His special attacks include Game Boy (boxed), Play It Loud Game Boy (clear), Game Boy Color, Game Boy Advance (white and indigo), Game Boy Advance SP, Virtual BoySega Game GearSega Nomad (with a bad screen), and Atari Lynx.

His secret moves are an MK II arcade cabinet and NBA Jam 4-player arcade cabinet.

Watch out! He’s packing a punch with his goods! And a fair amount of games to keep the enemies at bay. As far as gaming equipment is concerned, Sam is solid.

Sam is a product of film school – a little obnoxious, pretentious, and not very useful. He enjoys writing screenplays in his spare time, with big, disproportionate dreams of making talking pictures. For the time being, he plays video games for your entertainment.

Photo on 1-31-15 at 4.32 PM

Not his original top loader, but a replacement found years later for $10 at the flea market

The very first console Sam owned was a top loader NES and his first two games were Mickey’s Adventures in Numberland and Pac-ManHis second console was a Sega Genesis, and no, he never owned a single Sonic game, though his best friend brought them over to his house every weekend. Even though he didn’t have a Super Nintendo during more formative years, he has always favored SNES over Genesis and to this day would call himself a “Nintendo fanboy.”

Of course, emulators got the better of him, and he foolishly sold off his original collection, which included such highly collectable gems as the aforementioned top loader and Mickey’s Adventures in Numberland (also, his Pac-man was the more scarce Namco release), Jimmy Connor’s Tennis, Lost Vikings 2, and most importantly, the NES port of Bonk’s Adventure – a game he still has yet to reclaim…

Photo on 2-11-15 at 10.58 PM #4

Sadly, this recent reunion with Bonk’s Adventure was a temporary one, as he had found it resting in a friend’s Nintendo. It was put up on eBay shortly thereafter and he was never to see it again…

It only took about two years for him to miss owning physical media, and so he began repurchasing classic video games in 2004 from flea markets and various game stores. He started with his beloved Nintendo (the original toaster model – the top loader was a later find), and from there it expanded into a full out obsession. This was back in the good old days when vintage games could easily be found for $3 a pop or less. That era is far behind him now, and collecting has become increasingly difficult, though he still manages to find treasures far below going rate.

Whoa, got a little sidetracked there. Memories.

Anyway, time for the music portion, everyone’s favorite part of the review!

Sam is scored by songs mostly dating back anywhere from the 1950s to the 1980s, with some notable artists including David Bowie, Supertramp, Buddy Holly (The Nerd Bacon mascot himself!), Cat Stevens, Spirit, Tears for Fears, Talk Talk, and many more! You can even unlock the record player, where he has a strong supply of vinyls at his disposal!

He also loves movies (as you can imagine), with favorites including Beetlejuice, Harold and Maude, Highlander, Robocop, Apocalypse Now, and many, many, many others. Too many to list.

So, there you have it. Sam. Not the best, not the worst. A decent guy, I’d say. And if you have any gripes, beefs, or just want to insult his taste in music, you can contact him at

Until next time…

Screen Shot 2015-06-26 at 3.40.21 PM


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